Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
