Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
