Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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