I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
