Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
