Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
