Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
