i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
