Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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