oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
