Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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