'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
