I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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