Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
