GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
