ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
