I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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