There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
