Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
