now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
