Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
