Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
