I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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