Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I AM VODKA MAN
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
