the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
