it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
