I am spending my child support on dildos
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
