i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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