Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Help. Why am I so naked?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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