they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
