grandma shit on top of the toilet
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
