Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
