I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
