its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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