she peed on how many people?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
