I just pynch a tree in the face
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
