you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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