Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
