I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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