My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
