So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Who wears a wallet chain?!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
