We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
