Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
