I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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