I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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