Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
