i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
