i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
