remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
