i can't believe i had my finger in that
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
