I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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