Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
