You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
