This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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