My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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