Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
