the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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