i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
where are my eyebrows?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
