I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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