i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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