Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
