plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
