i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
this boner is exhausting
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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