Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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