Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
