Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
