You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Where did you get a picture of my penis
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
