she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
