Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
