Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
