I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
