My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
