i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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