Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
