After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You ruined the universe
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
