I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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