she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
