so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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