I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
