No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
