whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
