He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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