Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
