At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
