explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
