how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's never too late to be topless.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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