dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
