Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
