I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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