and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
