If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize