you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
