I hope mine doesn't look like that
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
