ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
