Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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