But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
