i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize