Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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