this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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