I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
