Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
