I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
