took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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