Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
