My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
