A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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