I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
how does that bad decision feel?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
