i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
His nipple licking is glorious
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